PIADAS CURTAS ( SHORT JOKES)

PIADAS CURTAS ( SHORT JOKES)

 WHAT A FUNNY COW! (QUE VACA ENGRAÇADA)

An American:
- We have Barack Obama, Stevie Wonder, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash.
An Italian:
- We have Silvio Berlusconi, no wonder, no hope and no cash.

---

- All is a shitting, except the pissing, but the pissing becomes a shitting if you piss against the wind.

---

- Why didn't the sailors play cards?
- Because the captain was sitting on the deck.

---

- Why dwarfs laugh while they play the soccer?
- Because the grass tickles their balls!

---

- What is the difference between the tires Good Year and 365 used condoms?
- 365 used condoms are VERY good year.

---

- What Bill Gates' wife says him when they make love?
- Bill, you are so MICRO, you are so SOFT.

---

A group of spermatozoa march. Unexpectedly, the spermatozoon guides stops:
- Stop! Treason! The ass!!!

---

- Who has invented the love?
- The poor, so they can fuck for free.

---

Two prostitutes, after Christmas holidays:
- What did you ask Santa Claus to give you?
- Hundred dollars, as usual.

---

Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: She is expecting triplets.
Very bad: You were sterilized five years ago.

---

Good: Your wife doesn't talk to you.
Bad: She wants divorce.
Very bad: She is a lawyer.

---

Good: Your son is growing up.
Bad: He has a relationship with a whore from the neighborhood.
Very bad: Just like you.

---

Good: You are explaining to your daughter about birds and bees.
Bad: She interrupts you.
Very bad: And corrects you.

---

Good: Your son has a serious relationship.
Bad: The relationship is with a man.
Very bad: With your best friend.

---

Good: Your daughter has a good job.
Bad: She is a whore.
Very bad: She earns much more than you.

---

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You have found porn videos in his room.
Very bad: You and your wife are the main actors. 

I'm tired  of these jokes! 

Oh My Gosh!I'M JUST A BEAR!(ESTOU CANSADO DESTAS PIADAS)  OH MEU DEUS!! SOU APENAS UM URSO!

SORRY FOR SAYNG THAT! (DESCULPAS POR DIZER ISTO!

Quais as frases mais usadas no Estados Unidos?

São expressões idiomáticas e se forem traduzidas ao pé da letra perderá o sentido cognitivo em relção ao português brasileiro:

Don't push me! (não força!)
What a hell is going on here?(que diabos está acontecendo aqui?)
I'm down in the dumps... (to sofrendo, "com dor de corno")
Are you pushing my leg, right? (ta brincando comigo, certo?)
That's such a shame! ( que vergonha!)
Please, come over here. (Por favor venha até aqui.)
So, let's get it start. (Então, mãos à obra.)

PALAVRAS QUE SE TORNARAM HÁBITO NO BRASIL

PALAVRAS QUE SE TORNARAM HÁBITO NO BRASIL

pet shop
hot dog
refil (essa palavra nao existe em português, assim como muitas outras nessa lista..)
check in
video game
fast food
happy hour
ok
drive thru
drag queen
internet
link
home theather
piercing
pub
remix
skate
shopping
performance
hit
entre outras....
Isso se chama Anglicismo, palavras em inglês usadas na língua portuguesa.

DE ASSIS THE BLOGGER TEACHER: Pérolas de Enem e vestibulares

DE ASSIS THE BLOGGER TEACHER: Pérolas de Enem e vestibulares

Pérolas de Enem e vestibulares

Cada ano que passa, o numero de estudantes que fazem provas de vestibulares e Enem aumenta, afinal todos querem entrar em uma faculdade e ter um bom futuro profissional. Mas muitas vezes, algumas pessoas vão fazer essas provas sem interesse algum, e acabam que não sabendo o que responder.

Elas até tentam achar alguma resposta possível para determinada pergunta, mas o que acabam encontrando é uma resposta absurda que deixa a prova do aluno engraçada, por ele não entender do assunto, e ainda querer dizer que entende.
Veja algumas perolas encontradas em alguns vestibulares e Enem passados, e dê um pouco de risada com elas.
O vento é uma imensa quantidade de ar.
Lenda é toda narração em prosa de um tema confuso.
O coração é o único órgão que não deixa de funcionar 24 horas por dia.
A insônia consiste em dormir ao contrário.
O Brasil é um país abastardo com um futuro promissório.
A Terra é um dos planetas mais conhecidos no mundo.
A comunicação é uma junção da verdade com a falsidade, afinal fofoca é uma coisa feia e é comunicação.
A capital de Portugal é Luiz Boa.
A comunicassão social e feita de mim para vocês.
A Geografia Humana estuda o homem em que vivemo

How are you? 
I want to share a couple of cool things that I think you'll find interesting and helpful.  You probably know this already, but I'm always thinking of creative ways to make English learning fun and useful.  I hate "normal" English schools because I think they are so boring and also don't really help people speak like native speakers. 

I will do everything I can to help YOU speak like a native English speaker.  That's what I want to do with my life.  I will feel so amazing if one day I hear that I helped your English level, your confidence, and your life.  I started a blog about some of my ideas.  I will keep writing in there near the bottom of the page so take a look if you are interested.  FIRST, please keep reading.....

I made a dialog for you.  I want to teach you some of the words and phrases that you probably don't know EXACTLY how to use. Trust me, everything in here is very common and useful for 2011 English speaking.  I promise to ONLY teach these useful things.  I never want to waste your time by teaching something that you can't use in real life.  This dialog is a real one between me and a very close friend.  His name is Jay.  Every word of this dialog is REAL!

Andy:  Hey, how's the job hunting going?

Jay:  Terrible.  I just bombed a phone interview this morning.

Andy:  What happened?  Are you positive it was that bad?

Jay:  I'm pretty sure.  My gut feeling is that there is no way I'll get the job. 

Andy:  Why do you say that?

Jay:  We just didn't click at all.  There was a lot of awkward silence on the phone.

Andy:  It doesn't matter.  I'm sure you'll get something soon.  I'll keep my eyes pealed for any job openings I think you might be interested in.

Jay:  Thanks man.

Andy.  No problem.   

This is an exact dialog I had yesterday; true story.  There are a lot of interesting little things in here that native speakers say all the time!  Let me explain.....

Job hunting:  "Job hunting" is a common term we use in spoken English.  It is a less formal way of saying "job searching".  If someone is "job hunting", it means they are looking for a job.

Bombed:  If you "bomb" on an interview or a test it means you did really really poorly.  It was TERRIBLE!

My dad got really angry when he found out that I bombed my last two math tests.

I think I bombed in the job interview because I was too nervous.  I need to relax next time.

Positive:  If you are "positive" about something it means you are "absolutely 100% sure" that something is true.  Sometimes people say they are sure about something but the other person might want to know if they are really really sure.  If this is the situation, you can ask the other person, "Are you positive about this?"

That bad:  If someone asks, "was it really that bad?" they mean is it really as bad as you are making it sound?  The word "that" is used here to show that something is really really bad.

You can also use the opposite.  For example, I heard she was a really good singer but I really didn't know she was that good.  I heard her sing for the first time last night and she was amazing!

Pretty sure:  If you are "pretty sure" that something is true it means that you think so, but you aren't positive.  You are not 100% sure.  Pretty sure just means that it is a good guess.  Maybe something like over 80% sure.  Here is a perfect example:

I'm pretty sure I left my keys at the office.  I really need to run back and check.

Gut feeling:  If you have a "gut feeling" about something, it means that you feel something is true but you can't say exactly why.  You have a weird feeling in your stomach.  A "gut feeling" is someone's instinct. 

I'm not sure why exactly but I have a gut feeling that the guy we met today is a total liar.  There was something strange about him.  Did you feel that too?

No way:  This is used a lot in common spoken English.  In this example, "no way" means "no chance".  A couple examples:

There is no way that he will become a professional football player.  He's too short, weak, and slow.  He must be dreaming.

Your parents are pretty traditional.  I think there is no way that your mom will let you marry a guy 15 years older than you.

Click:  If two people "click" it means that their personalities match and have an easy time being together.  Example:

Steve and Sara have only been dating for 3 weeks but they really seem to click.  I think they are already talking about getting married.

Awkward silence:  An "awkward silence" is a really useful and interesting term.  I'm sure we've all had this experience.  Awkward sometimes means embarrassing or uncomfortable.  Silence is just being quiet.  So, an "awkward silence" is when two people are together or on the phone and have nothing to say to each other.  They both feel weird and uncomfortable but still no one knows what to say.

Here's an example:

There was a really awkward silence between my ex-girlfriend and I when she told me that she found a new boyfriend.

I'll keep my eyes pealed:  I really like this last phrase.  I bet you won't learn it in any school or other course.  Anyway, if you "keep your eyes pealed" for something it means that you will pay close attention.

Example sentence:

I know you said you left your bag at my house last week but I still haven't seen it.  Don't worry though, I'll keep my eyes pealed and call you if I see it.

Falsos cognatos (lista)

Falsos cognatos (lista)

. É importante conhecer os principais falsos cognatos para evitar mal-entendidos.

Actually (adv) - na verdade
Adept (n) - especialista, profundo conhecedor
Anticipate (v) - prever; aguardar, ficar na expectativa
Application (n) - inscrição, registro, uso
Appointment (n) - hora marcada, compromisso profissional
Appreciation (n) - gratidão, reconhecimento
Argument (n) - discussão, bate boca
Assist (v) - ajudar, dar suporte
Assume (v) - presumir, aceitar como verdadeiro
Attend (v) - assistir, participar de
Audience (n) - platéia, público
Balcony (n) - sacada
Baton (n) - batuta (música), cacetete
Casualty (n) - baixa (morte fruto de acidente ou guerra), fatalidade
Cigar (n) - charuto
Collar (n) - gola, colarinho, coleira
College (n) - faculdade, ensino de 3º grau
Commodity (n) - artigo, mercadoria
Competition (n) - concorrência
Comprehensive (adj) - abrangente, amplo, extenso
Compromise (v) - entrar em acordo, fazer concessão
Contest (n) - competição, concurso
Costume (n) - fantasia (roupa)
Data (n) - dados (números, informações)
Deception (n) - logro, fraude, o ato de enganar
Defendant (n) - réu, acusado
Design (v, n) - projetar, criar; projeto, estilo
Editor (n) - redator
Educated (adj) - instruído, com alto grau de escolaridade
Emission (n) - descarga (de gases, etc.)
Enroll (v) - inscrever-se, alistar-se, registrar-se
Eventually (adv) - finalmente, conseqüentemente
Exciting (adj) - empolgante
Expert (n) - especialista, perito
Exquisite (adj.) - belo, refinado
Fabric (n) - tecido
Genial (adj) - afável, aprazível
Graduate program (n) - Curso de pós-graduação
Gratuity (n) - gratificação, gorjeta
Grip (v) - agarrar firme
Idiom (n) - expressão idiomática, linguajar
Ingenuity (n) - engenhosidade

Injury (n) - ferimento
Inscription (n) - gravação em relevo (sobre pedra, metal, etc.)
Intend (v) - pretender, ter intenção
Jar (n) - pote
Journal (n) - periódico, revista especializada
Large (adj) - grande, espaçoso
Lecture (n) - palestra, aula
Legend (n) - lenda
Library (n) - biblioteca
Location (n) - localização
Lunch (n) - almoço
Magazine (n) - revista
Mayor (n) - prefeito
Moisture (n) - umidade
Motel (n) - hotel de beira de estrada
Notice (v) - notar, aperceber-se; aviso, comunicação
Novel (n) - romance
Office (n) - escritório
Parents (n) - pais
Particular (adj) - específico, exato
Port (n) - porto
Prejudice (n) - preconceito
Prescribe (v) - receitar
Pretend (v) - fingir
Private (adj) - particular
Procure (v) - conseguir, adquirir
Prospect - perspectiva
Pull (v) - puxar
Push (v) - empurrar
Range (v) - variar, cobrir
Realize (v) - notar, perceber, dar-se conta, conceber uma idéia
Recipient (n) - recebedor, agraciado
Record (v, n) - gravar, disco, gravação, registro
Refrigerant (n) - substância refrigerante usada em aparelhos
Relatives - parentes
Requirement (n) - requisito
Resume (v) - retomar, reiniciar
Résumé (n) - curriculum vitae, currículo
Retired (adj) - aposentado
Senior (n) - idoso
Service (n) - atendimento
Severe (adj) - grave, intenso, acentuado
Stranger (n) - desconhecido
Stupid (adj) - burro
Support (v) - apoiar
Tax (n) - imposto
Trainer (n) - preparador físico
Turn (n, v) - vez, volta, curva; virar, girar
Vegetables (n) - verduras, legumes

Os 5 melhores sites para aprender inglês grátis

Os 5 melhores sites para aprender inglês grátis

1.


http://www.inglescurso.net/
Grátis um gratuito curso de Inglês e expressões verbais, músicas traduzidas e muito conteúdo para você aprendendo Inglês com diversão e liberdade. Em Português muito bom.
2. http://www.webbusca.com.br/idiomas/ingles/
Esse site fornece o básico do Inglês.
3. http://www.inglesonline.com.br/category/dicionario-tradutor/
Esse site indica onde encontra muito material  em inglês como dicionários, tradutores, sites que mostram pronúncias entre outras coisa, muito bom.
4. http://www.omelhoringles.com/
Esse site tem um bom conteúdo de inglês com cursos de Inglês gratuitos e de qualidade.
5. http://www.inglesgratis.com/curso/
Este tem conteúdo de Inglês gratuito para pessoas de língua espanhola. Muito bom também.

Modelo de entrevista de emprego em inglês

Modelo de entrevista de emprego em inglês

As entrevistas em inglês são basicamente a mesma coisa. O muda, de uma entrevista para outra  é o tipo de empresa e as particularidades da posição e área profissional. Colocamos, abaixo de cada questão, uma indicação do que pode ser respondido e algumas sugestões do que você precisa saber. Mas lembre-se: todas as questões devem ser respondidas de acordo com a sua experiência e a sua personalidade. Decorar as respostas vai parecer totalmente impessoal e não é a melhor forma de garantir a vaga.
1. Tell me about you.
2. What do you know about our company?
Know products, size, income, reputation, image, goals, problems, management talent, management style, people skills, history and philosophy. Don't say you do not know much ... you should state that you would like to know more."
3. Why do you want to work for us?
"You wish to be part of a company project; you would like to solve a company problem; you can make a definite contribution to specific company goals."
4. What can you do for us that someone else cannot?
"Relate past experience that represents success in solving previous employer problems that may be similar to those of the prospective employer."
5. What do you look for in a job?
"Keep your answer opportunity-oriented. Talk about the opportunity to perform and be recognized."
6. How long would it take you to make a meaningful contribution to our firm?
Be realistic and say six months to one year. You may be overqualified or too experienced for the position we have to offer. Strong companies need strong people; experienced executives are at a premium today; the employer will get a faster return on investment because you have more experience than required; a growing, energetic company rarely is unable to use its people talents. Emphasize your interest in a a long-term association."
7. Why are you leaving your present job?
Stick to one response. Don't change answers during the interview. Give a 'group' answer if possible - "Our office is closing". Another possible answer is "We agreed to disagree."
8. How do you feel about leaving all of your benefits?
"Concerned but not panicked."
9. Describe what you feel to be an ideal working environment.
"Where people are treated as fairly as possible."
10. How would you evaluate your present firm?
"An excellent company that afforded me many fine experiences." It is important not to bad mouth past employers or bosses. Bad mouthing tends to reveal more about you than about those who are the objects of your comments."
11. Why haven't you found a new position before now?
"Finding a job is easy but finding the right job is more difficult."
12. Had you thought of leaving your present position before: If so, what do you think held you there?
"Challenge, but it's gone now."
13. If I spoke to your previous boss, what would she/he say are your greatest strengths and weaknesses?
This 'threat of reference check' question almost always produces honesty but also perspiration. It is important, in your response, to "be honest but not too negative."
14. What are your weak points?
Don't say you have none. Turn a negative into a positive answer: "I am sometimes impatient and I get too deeply involved when we are late."
15. How much do you expect if we offer this position to you?
"Be careful; the market value of the job may be the key answer - 'My understanding is that a job like the one you are describing may be in the range of ...'"
16. What was the last book you read? Movie you saw? Sporting event you attended?
"Talk about leisure books to represent balance in your life."
17. Will you be out to take your boss' job?
Not until I get the current job done."
18. How would you describe the essence of success? According to your definition, how successful have you been so far?
"A sense of well-being ... Pretty successful with the usual ups and downs."
At some point in every interview, the interviewer would ask the applicant if she/he has any questions. It is important that the applicant has some questions - and some good ones - because questions can reveal as much about the applicant as answers.